Cornell College Computer Science quotations

From Harper Reed's Wiki

These are various quotes that I have certain professors here at Cornell. These are by far my favorite professors, and I'm not making fun of them in any way. ...I just think they're funny.

Things in italics are quotes from people OTHER than the professor, i.e. a student.

1 Leon Tabak Quotes
2 Tony deLaubenfels Quotes
3 Jim Freeman Quotes
4 Hill Quotes

Leon Tabak Quotes

They put the guys head in a donut and drive right through that thing with a joystick!
If I pump my arms 60 times a second...
My mother gave it to me in the 4th grade and I'll give it to you (climax).
Bandwidth, this has nothing to do with the halftime performance.
We could have lunch at the cheesecake factory and go to Niketown.
The 1960s, the era of mini-skirts and mini-computers.
You got a rack this big!
Does 62 go into 27? sure.
Whenever someone asks me to feel it, I always say, "No thanks... Thank you very much."
46... the number of chromosomes your mom gave you.
Floppy disks are nice because you can carry them with you, in fact, I've got one right here!
I have little balls that you squeeze in your hands.
I... w... w... we... we... we... we... we... we...
You could be hanging out in your room, take your book, open it up, fold it out, and hide behind there. People walking by would probably be wondering what you're doing.
Alaska is just what gets me in the mood!
Sexy software.
Is someone disappering into the closet? What's going on here?
For example... Let's say Derek wants to work with.... um... let's see... another... JOSH
As I get older, I get bolder.
There's only so much yankin around I can deal with.
The beatles broke up, yeah... we were really hoping they'd come play one more time.
There's eunichs and UNIX. There's no other connection, it's just funny.
He hung out in the computer lab while his wife was looking at dirty pictures upstairs.
Your mom doesn't know about multi-task.
Operating systems do not look like fish.
We'll be super users... we're super in other ways, too!
shell of a shell, we gotta be careful about saying that one too many times too fast.

Tony deLaubenfels Quotes

ABSOLUTE! BONAFIED! URL!
You saw spoof?! Good work!
HEY! webserver, serve me up this web page.
A little teeny tiny little "peeeeeeng"
Fancy little bells and whistles.
Here's a cookie for you!
Think of a virus... not like in humans and birds.
Way cool algorithm!
Happy camper!
Really sweet!
This, that, and the other thing.
Doobius.
Gobble-dee-gook.
...And ...um ...so.
Super cool electronics!
What... we... what... uh...... if you have a cool little thing...
Here's a neat idea!
...um, I probably lied to you.
You get SCI-FI?!?!? ....OH MAN!
You can actually magnify a nail!
Your flag is bogus.
I'm gonna have to give you a honkin long message.
Both me AND Professor deLaubenfels...
Whenever I say 256 I mean 254.
Lets find out it.
There are 2 of these that you could've gotten wrong, but... I don't care!
Hippies like the net!
Transmittal mechanism.
We might make it a homework assignment. I don't mean homework, but you might take a look at it some time.
Yeaht, yeah... I mean... so... work with me here.
The V word, view the four letter v word, view word.
Are you stuffing stuff in? or putting stuff out?
Looks like... not... yeah... and here's the things we talked about. we talked about that. and here we go! ...or no wedon't.
Yeah, there's a pan there.
Here's that's my table.
My name is tony!
Now what am I going to do? Books online? I could read a little this afternoon!
Is that your phone number? Yeah! ...oh ...no it's not. but it's somebody's though!
I'd... identi... identifee... identity.
I can't put it away... but I can drink it.
Even though you're not in our class, good job Josh! you can still read a book!
Gimme a baaaaa... bogus, I wanna read it all!
And they sort of are sorted... sort of.
Is Java... server side or client side? Is... Java... server side or client side? ...is... ok you got it.
It still requires a little bit of jiggling.
Like the report you gave me... and I'll give those back to you sometime before we die.
Ok...... what was I saying?
If you wanted some sequal, you went and asked that guy ...er... yeah, it was a guy.
Josh is, heh heh heh heh.
What's the T in XTML? XT? Oh, that stands for Tony!
How you say?
Tro... ot... oh... I mean...
And I would have to say, that's probably... um... it... you know... when it...
Does that say Funlayson? ...You should change it! That would be a good name!
Let's see if we can export the Jacson Pollack Table... or, I mean the Artist table.
We doe not use this much.
We got the *do do doot doo do do* things that you can *doot do doo*
We can improve your backends.
Maybe you had performance issues... or maybe you had functionality issues.
I promised our time was going to be up... so... soooo... it is!
Anybody watch... TV?
Ok that's not really a database commercial. Well it's IBM. IT IS! That's exactly what I'm talking about!
So... it's like, uh CLUELESS!
If you doo doo
My bad!
2 years ago it was sweet at Cornell!
Instead of going out for my early morning run, I sit down and read about databases.
Is this me up here? Oh, it is me up here, isn't it?
I would argue... in this... I would argue... I think it's time for a break.
I have these deep mood swings when i'm grading exams.
You're number 1! (pointing at derek)
Squid! No, Salmon is not a database structure.
In a river we may not have done any fishes.
pshht... it... eh... uh... that's a 1... it... pshht.
So... right... but... so we but... right.
nega... neg... nega... negation.
If I was a computer peice of code that was showing you... wouldn't that be great?! You'd just reboot!
If you have a grade and it says D... you should be so lucky... uh, i'm kidding, that was a joke.
Is that a nice hat? ...That's a nice hat! He cut his hair so short he gets hilly and then he has to wear a hat!
Dude, I'm ready to eat a pizza! I don't have a pizza, I'm sorry.
That little bump on your head is kinda cute.
I would love to play around with that! That's fantastic!
Oh that stinks!
And access has a nice quick and dirty...
Ultimately, I think this will go bye-bye.
That's the IBM in 19-2001
What's missing in 1,2,3,5?
In my head, I keep my sql in 3 compartments.
Normally you want to use district... normally.
Five! ...Fiv
This is due every morning... that... we have a new section... uh... due.
Reservations has to be even huger.
Read what's in pink for me... er... teal? Would you call that teal?
We love... we love... prro... prr... We love computer science programmers.
Don't get me wrong... I'm a techie!
Right. We already said that, and we kinda have an idea why.
So like, a bird is a mammal!
1980? Got it! Well, you're probably right ...it's probably actually in the 60s.
Its like, messages from heaven, Messages from heaven!
Well geez, I want to kepp track of the rent and the ship date and then bouleghttt
I'm sure they'll give us an example of that... mmmmmmmmmmmmmthat's not one of them.
Ok... So... Probably she should write and you should talk.
Ok... That would be kinda sweeeeeeeeet.
HI!
Sooo... what's going on here? This happens to me all the time.
Life is sweet.
You can turn your resume into an uh... um... uh... OK, so...
I don't want to play this game right now.
When it has a bunch of attributes that don't aren't semantic
Our test uses italics... I guess that's not italics, but I could use blue.
and BOWM! ...uh, Boom.
Lean, mean, fast stuff, commonly used stuff.
It's still kinda jiggly.
There I am! I'm number 1!
Trevis is number 1 too!

Jim Freeman Quotes

Do you want that frog positive or negative?
Okie dookie.
the slope is george minus jason over sally minus sue.
at some point it drips down off your ears and onto your shoulders.
How hard did it take me?
I don't have a good responses to you, regina, why corn players have class.
It doesn't actually do one of these jobbies.
I still have my pink bunny, he can come to the exam if you'd like.
This is the natural log of the BLOB!
From 2.6 to 3.8... this sucker is growing fast, mmmkay.
If anyone's not folling this, scream!
Jomain is just not everything.
In the good ol days they just put ropes up. They didn't bother to plow, you just pulled yourself up on the rope.
Well, I don't know how to do this problem if that makes you feel better, Jenna.
Everything's hunky dory fine.
You get it from the peices and snatches.
I'll argue with you after class because you're wrong. I'm right, and you're wrong.
I probably have it on my butt and everywhere else you can think of.
Would you like it if I took some red chalk and colored my nose like a clown?
Negative big, negative not as big, negative not even as big as before.
The technical term is, "Pulling it out of your butt."
eewwwww, making it even sssssssnastier on us.
Aminimimity.
The purpose of this exercise is to get you to go down.
You could repuwreet.
The derivitive of blob sqaured is 2 blob.
We're going to get the derivitive of the function which I carefully stored behind the screen so I can't see it.
Do you see this funny little hunky?
Can I pull it out front?
Now, the front row is flapping there lips.
Yeah I know I kinda look like a walrus, but that's besides the point.
It's not the speed, it's the size.
This is really a terrible way to solve this problem.
.....times the derivitive of good grief.
That's what I call a BIG ..... now I like BIG ballons!
This is a mathemtician's worst fear... in other words, it's perfect.
You don't ask, I don't tell. In other words, don't ask don't tell.
Fine Y Pri!
Is there a kitchen sink in that problem?
The mean value theorem is just the same as rolle's theorem... but drunk.
Well my calculator says something different I'm happy for you!
We're REALLY Ho's!
This denominator doesn't really amount to a hill of beans.
This says that this what? concave what? and we get what?
You're reading 49 you idiot.
Where does the "hump" reside?
Mizzimize, me, me, me, me, me
YOU! SPEAK!
hyrogryphilics.
Do all the loft getter otter, uh, offers get that?
Laying more pipe is a better solution.
The antiderivitive of a multiple is ARGH!
The antiderivitive of a fraction is ARGH!!!
The beautiful part of infinity is that there's a lot of it!
See the prit - tee area???
Yeah i am, No you're not, Yeah i am, No you're not, Yeah i am, No you're not.
I'll get around to answering you, Brian. In my own perverted and weird way.
I happen to like zero cause it's such a round number.
A grant? ... uh ... agreed?
If you're an angel... more power to you.

Hill Quotes

Y equals the sine of 2 green goats.
This critter here.
* This is where it gets kinda hairy.
Hot Rod Chalk!
Fractions are a bear.
Quotients are a bother.
As the french say, "le peice de cake."
A to the critter, times A to the thing equals A to the critter plus thing.
The absolute value of critter is 16.
How bout them apples.
It went to the great grain bucket in the sky.
T times purple cow is 5.
It's a sloppy slopey.
Lay it on me.
Plug n chug.
...on that turkey.
Logarythms come in all kinds of flavors.
Don't lat that buffalo you!
Who's buried in Grant's tomb? Well, it aint Lee who's buried in Grant's tomb.... It's Grant that's buried in Grant's tomb.
46 says, "lets call it a mess."
You got the critter squared minus 30 critters minus 1 is zero.
The way i would think about it is.... I'd say, "well wait a minute, what have I got here?"
The next section says, "Look, I'm gonna tell ya bout sump'n."
300 degrees says, "Don't use your calculator.
36 isn't very nice.... 36 just is not very nice... it's a mess.
And the next one says, "Who's buried in Grant's tomb?" the sine of the inverse sine of one half equals one half.... THAT's who's buried in Grant's tomb!
31 is probably one of the best numbers goin... Now lets take a look at what 31 says.

Retrieved from "http://www.harperreed.org/wiki/index.php/Cornell_College_Computer_Science_quotations"

This page was last modified 17:08, 1 February 2008. This page has been accessed 29 times.